The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl

A Proven Guide to Raising Happier, More Resilient Children Through Empathy and Play

The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl explores why Denmark consistently ranks as one of the happiest countries in the world—and how Danish parenting practices contribute to this. The book provides insights into the unique aspects of Danish culture that prioritize empathy, resilience, and emotional health, offering parents worldwide a practical approach to raising happier, more balanced children. By focusing on core values like play, empathy, and authenticity, the authors present a blueprint for raising children who are not only well-rounded but also deeply content.

Introduction to Danish Parenting Principles

1. The Foundation of Danish Happiness
Danish parents are guided by principles that nurture emotional resilience and social empathy in children. Rather than focusing strictly on academic or material success, Danish parenting emphasizes holistic well-being, preparing children to handle life’s ups and downs with resilience and joy.

Pro Tip: Studies show that Danish children raised with empathy and independence often grow up to be more self-confident and adaptable.

The Core Principles of The Danish Way of Parenting

2. Play as a Fundamental Right
Play is considered an essential part of childhood in Denmark, valued for its role in building creativity, problem-solving skills, and emotional regulation. The Danish approach encourages free, unstructured play, allowing children to explore and learn naturally without constant adult direction.

• How to Implement: Prioritize free play time daily, without focusing on structured, competitive activities.
• Examples: Let children engage in pretend play, explore the outdoors, or create their own games.

Stat Highlight: Research shows that free play enhances cognitive and social development, fostering essential skills that carry over into adulthood.

3. Authenticity in Parenting
Danish parents value authenticity and honesty, aiming to create a trusting environment where children feel safe to express their true emotions. Rather than sugar-coating the truth, they approach difficult subjects with honesty that is age-appropriate, helping children develop emotional resilience.

• How to Implement: Encourage open discussions about feelings, validating both positive and negative emotions.
• Examples: If your child is sad or frustrated, listen attentively and express understanding instead of immediately trying to “fix” their feelings.

Pro Tip: Validating emotions helps children learn self-compassion and emotional intelligence.

4. Reframing Situations with Positivity
Reframing, or finding positive perspectives on challenging situations, is a common practice in Danish parenting. By helping children view setbacks with optimism, parents nurture a mindset that sees difficulties as opportunities for growth.

• How to Implement: Guide your child in viewing challenges as learning experiences rather than failures.
• Examples: If your child loses a game, emphasize the fun and learning rather than the loss, encouraging them to keep trying.

5. Empathy as a Core Value
Empathy is integral to the Danish approach, with children learning from a young age to understand and care about others’ feelings. Danish parents and educators prioritize cooperative play and social responsibility, teaching children the value of kindness and understanding.

• How to Implement: Model empathetic behavior and involve children in discussions about how others might feel.
• Examples: If your child sees someone upset, encourage them to ask, “Are you okay?” or offer help if appropriate.

Stat Highlight: Empathetic children are often better at forming meaningful relationships, which contributes to overall life satisfaction.

6. No-Ulterior-Motive Parenting
Danish parents avoid using rewards or punishments to manipulate behavior, instead fostering intrinsic motivation. This approach encourages children to make good choices because they understand the value behind them, not because they fear consequences or expect rewards.

• How to Implement: Praise effort rather than results and avoid bribes for good behavior.
• Examples: Instead of rewarding chores with treats, emphasize the importance of teamwork and responsibility within the family.

7. Togetherness and Hygge
The Danish concept of hygge, which means “coziness” or “togetherness,” is central to Danish life. Family gatherings, shared meals, and bonding time are valued moments that help build strong relationships. Danish parents encourage quality family time that is relaxed, low-stress, and without distractions.

• How to Implement: Create family rituals that focus on enjoying each other’s company without outside pressures.
• Examples: Spend time together over dinner without screens, share stories, or engage in simple activities like board games or walks.

Pro Tip: Creating a sense of togetherness can reduce stress and foster stronger emotional bonds within the family.

Practical Applications for Adopting Danish Parenting Practices

8. Prioritize Free Play in Daily Routine
Free play is a natural way for children to learn and explore, and Danish parents make it a central part of the day. Unstructured play encourages creativity, problem-solving, and social skills.

• Solution: Reduce time spent on structured, competitive activities and create play-friendly spaces.
• Examples: Let children play outside, make up their own games, or engage in pretend play without adult interference.

9. Encourage Open Communication
Honesty and openness build a foundation of trust. Danish parents talk to children about emotions and life’s realities in age-appropriate ways, helping them feel understood and capable of handling challenges.

• Solution: Be open to discussions about emotions, and share your own in a way that models healthy emotional expression.
• Examples: If something sad happens, discuss it openly, asking your child how they feel and sharing your own feelings constructively.

10. Embrace Calm, Non-Competitive Playdates
Danish playdates are typically low-key, allowing children to simply enjoy each other’s company without overly competitive or goal-driven activities. This focus on cooperation over competition helps children form deeper connections with their peers.

• Solution: Plan relaxed playdates that focus on fun, inclusive activities instead of structured games or events.
• Examples: Let children decide on the activities during playdates, encouraging group games or creative activities like drawing or storytelling.

Addressing Challenges in Practicing Danish Parenting

11. Managing Busy Schedules
Balancing family time with a hectic schedule can be challenging, especially in fast-paced cultures. Danish parents prioritize quality over quantity, ensuring family time is meaningful and undistracted.

• Solution: Create small, dedicated moments for family connection daily, like a shared meal or evening ritual.
• Examples: Set aside a “hygge hour” where the family gathers for a simple activity, such as reading or cooking together.

12. Encouraging Empathy in a Competitive Environment
In cultures where competition is emphasized, fostering empathy can be challenging. Danish parents counter this by promoting cooperative activities, emphasizing kindness over winning.

• Solution: Engage in family discussions about kindness and encourage children to consider others’ feelings.
• Examples: Role-play scenarios where empathy is needed, such as comforting a friend who feels left out, to make empathy relatable.

Building a Danish-Inspired Home Culture

13. Making Family Rituals a Priority
Creating family rituals that everyone enjoys strengthens the family bond and creates cherished memories. Danish families value these rituals as a way of grounding and connecting with each other.

• How to Implement: Establish simple weekly routines that the family can look forward to.
• Examples: Have a “family movie night” every Friday or prepare a special meal together on Sundays.

14. Encouraging Gratitude and Appreciation
Danish parents encourage gratitude, focusing on appreciating the small things in life. This perspective fosters contentment and helps children recognize the value in their surroundings and relationships.

• How to Implement: Practice daily gratitude by asking children to share one thing they’re thankful for.
• Examples: Before bedtime, each family member can share something positive from their day to cultivate a sense of gratitude.

Stat Highlight: Research links gratitude to improved emotional well-being, social relationships, and life satisfaction.

Key Takeaways: 

Raising Happy, Balanced Children the Danish Way

The Danish Way of Parenting offers a fresh perspective on raising children in a way that emphasizes happiness, empathy, and resilience. By adopting Danish principles—like the importance of play, authenticity, and empathy—parents can create an environment where children feel valued, heard, and capable of facing life’s challenges. This approach not only contributes to happier childhoods but also builds a foundation for well-rounded, emotionally intelligent adults.

Are you ready to incorporate a bit of Danish hygge and empathy into your parenting? What principle will you start with to create a happier home?